Over the years, i’ve found it fairly hard to be completely honest with the opposite sex. One thing that i preach to myself and to anyone that has conversations with me is that honesty is the most important thing in friendships/relationships. My favorite comedian is Corey Holcomb. He’s as blunt as it gets. Tariq Elite is also a great guy i enjoy gaining wisdom from due to his honesty. Anyway, with all this wisdom and life lessons i get I still have a hard time being me completely. Most times its out of fear that someone wont like me due to my opinions on whatever the situation is. Aaron in a nutshell is opinionated, selfish, a little chauvinistic, has a potty mouth, and doesnt have one specific crowd that he could fit in. These things, when combined could be dangerous. I was raised in a family where the women played the “woman” role, and the man played the “man” role. Moving from a small town to the big city i began to notice that not everyone lives that way and that my mindset may need to change a bit. But why? Why should i if i like those roles and the way things are? Because i wont get what i want if i dont change my mentality. Fuck that lol. Anyway back to honesty i got side tracked for a second..
Anyway, I just have a difficult time being honest with women. It took me years to be completely honest with my ex and tell her that we shouldnt be together anymore. I never wanted to hurt her feelings, but learned in that situation that you will only start resenting a person if you feel different from them and keep your feelings hidden. I really did start to resent her, and it got to a point where i just was tired of hearing her name, seeing her face, or getting texts from her. She is an amazing girl, but we were young and i feel that our time passed. Together from 18-24 is a long time for “kids”. I missed out on all the “fun” college activities because i was in love. I still am having to deal the aftermath of our relationship, as we still communicate and i dont in my heart think that she is over me. I finally was strong enough to tell her we dont need to talk at all…somehow she still sticks around. Bottom line: I should have been honest with her when things changed and left her alone, it could have been easier. P.S.: I dont care what anyone says, if you break up with a real ex, stop having sex with them. It will only complicate things. Dont trust anything else.
Soooo on to my current situation…This situation is what sprung this honesty blog…So i have a close female friend that I met a couple of years ago while I was sitting out of school. She attended the school that I attend as well, but we didnt know each other like that. We also worked at a job together before the one that i’m speaking of, but in different areas. I thought she was good looking, and had a little crush on her from that point forward. Fast forward time maybe a year (from 2009-2010) and I randomly get a job where she works, that someone referred me to. We get cool when I start working there, but nothing crazy. In the back of my mind i still want some pussy from this girl. I realize that she is really a cool chick. She is smart, determined, ambitious, and just has great potential as far as a relationship goes. So she ends up transferring to a different school which puts a halt on whatever I thought we had going, friendship or more. We still ended up keeping in touch for the last two years, hanging out or whatever. I wasn’t checking for her anymore because it just wasnt any attraction from me. I’m not the type to get stuck in the friend zone so i really wasnt trying to stick around and be friends. She would tell me who she was talking to and i wouldnt care…WHY? because i was lying to myself. I was trying to be cool and accept that we were friends when the truth is thats not what i originally intended. I wanted some pussy at the least. So you get the dynamic of our relationship right? okay cool so fast forward to 2 months ago. She starts hitting me up out the blue on facebook..like daily which isn’t normal for us. We at most would talk a few times a month First thing that pops up in my mind, “this bitch must be bored or something” lol..but im not tripping cause shes cool and we have so much in common and our relationship is pretty strong. So one late night we are texting and she comes out and just says “Aaron why do you do me like this?”..i’m like :-? “do you like what?”…oh shit…
So we’re talking and she confesses that she finds me attractive but never said anything because she felt that i wasn’t interested enough in her and thought i had other girls keeping me busy. By this time im just in shock and dont believe her. I ask her numerous times if shes drunk and she says no and understands what she is saying. So i finally tell her that i’ve always felt the same way and that i’d like to continue to see where things go with us. Now let me add that she just graduated and just moved to Miami..lol yea..thats over and done but let me finish for the sake of the story..So we start talking everyday for like two weeks and the last time i see her we go to a baseball game together. We end up talking that night about everything that transpired with us in the recent weeks. She ends up telling me that she wasn’t initially attracted to me at first because she saw no ambition or drive in me and that looks just arent enough for her. So thats cool and all but now i’m wondering when/what she started feeling me like that..she tells me the last time we chilled (march for my bday) she noticed a difference in me. I wasnt so into my looks and was really growing up and becoming a man. It was true i have changed alot, and i guess it was becoming apparent to everyone including myself. The only part i didnt agree with was about my drive & ambition early on. I was just at a stage in life where i was going through things and didn’t have the confidence in my future that i currently have today.
So after that talk, another couple of weeks has come and gone and…..we’re back to how we were initially. No everyday communication, im on my selfish worry about myself shit, and she’s in Miami. I’m afraid that now her honesty could have made things permanently awkward as far as a friendship goes. I chose to be honest 2 years too late. I could have had the pussy 2 years ago if I really wanted it but I chose to keep my honest thoughts in my mind.
Moral of the Stories: LEARN THE GAME, PRACTICE THE GAME, KEEP IT REAL, BE YOURSELF.. and BE HONEST ALWAYS..Learn from me..it will help so much
Im proud to say that my game is getting crisp and I have a better understanding of women, relationships and things like that. okay..im done